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Best Funny Retirement Quotes
& Funny Retirement Sayings

Here are a few of the "Best Funny Retirement Quotes" and funny retirement sayings.

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous.
When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
~George Burns~


"Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left."
— George F. Burns

"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent
importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch."
~R.C. Sherriff~

"I've been attending lots of seminars
in my retirement. They're called naps."
~Merri Brownworth~ Funny retirement quotes

"Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings."
~Unknown~

"My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires."
~Patty Doyle~

"In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or
twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball."
~Gene Perret~

"A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job."
~Ella Harris~ Funny retirement one liners

"Accountants don't retire, they just lose their balance."
~Unknown~ Funny retirement sayings

"The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a
quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring."
Milton Berle

"When some people retire, it's going to be
mighty hard to be able to tell the difference."
~Virginia Graham~

"I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring
from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron."
~Hartman Jule~ Funny retirement quotes

"If people concentrated on the really important things
in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles."
~Doug Larson~

"I'm Retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!"
~Unknown~

"The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~