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Funniest Christmas Quotes

A collection of the Funniest Christmas quotes. Enjoy!

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother
took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
~Shirley Temple~


"Christmas at my house is always at least six or
seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We
start drinking early. And while everyone else is
seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
~W. C. Fields~ Funniest Christmas quotes

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic."
~author Unknown~

"Christmas is the season when you buy this
year's gifts with next year's money."
~Author Unknown~

"Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying 'Buy Buy'"
~Robert Paul~

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season,
a deeply religious time that each of us observes,
in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."
~Author Unknown~ Funniest Christmas quotes

"Christmas is the season when people run
out of money before they run out of friends."
~Larry Wilde~

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no
white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark."
~Dick Gregory~

"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want
and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell
the government what they want and their kids pay for it."
~Richard Lamm~

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live."
~Dennis Miller~ humorous Christmas sayings~

"Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?"
~Anonymous~ Fun Christmas quotes

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
with a note on it saying, toys not included."
~Bernard Manning~

"I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street.
I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow.
He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."
~David Letterman~

"Oh, for the good old days when people would
stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money."
~Author Unknown~

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
~Victor Borge~

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity
scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious
reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
~Jay Leno~

"The one thing women don't want to find in their
stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
~Joan Rivers~ Funniest Christmas quotes

"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten
and his present remembered. What I don't like about office
Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
~Phyllis Diller's humorous Christmas quote~

"You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger."
~Robert Paul~ Humorous Christmas sayings

"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas
did not exist it would be necessary to invent it."
~Katharine Whitehorn~

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs
up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."
~Kin Hubbard~ funny Christmas quotes

"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all
the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."
~Author unknown~

"Christmas is a race to see which gives
out first - your money or your feet."
~Author unknown~

"Mail your packages early so the post office
can lose them in time for Christmas."
~Johnny Carson~ Fun Christmas quotes

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